1.31.21
Welcome. I would like to invite you to join this journey with me. The journey that involves me dealing with my own shame – in real time! Yes, I am dealing with this in real time, so I do not know how this is going to play out. If you are going on this journey with me then you are seeing everything play out step by step. Whew, that’s scary but I’m doing it anyway.
Let’s start with, why? Why do I want to expose my shame on the internet for all to see? Honestly, I have no freaking clue but darn it here we go. LOL. Here’s what I do know, in December of 2020 I signed up for a 1-month program called Kingdom Therapy. The goal of Kingdom Therapy for January (the month I was to begin) was to focus on three things: consistency, motivation, and discipline. I knew I had a consistency issue, so I signed up. I signed up to help me be more consistent when it came to my goals – that was it. Except, that is what I thought I signed up for! I thought I signed up for group therapy sessions where we’ll be talking about meeting our goals. Don’t get me wrong that is how it all started. By session 3 your girl realized that most of her issues came from shame that had been dug deep down inside of me. Yes! I am not being consistent with my goals because of shame. It sounds crazy I know but God broke it all down to me. I want to share with you all how He broke down for me, but you have to stay on the journey with me. We are going to take this step by step, moment by moment, day by day. Here we go…
Let’s talk about what shame is and what it is not. Many confuse shame with guilt, but they are not synonymous. Guilt says: “I did something bad” while shame says, “I am bad.” You can feel guilty about something you did but not take on the shame of it. Shame takes on the wrongful act as if it’s your identity. Shame attacks your identity. Read that again… shame attacks your identity.
It is very important to know that God does not want you allowing shame to attack your identity. When Jesus died on the cross, he bore all of our shame for us. He became shame so that we can be free! For assurance to what I just said, read Mark 15:21-39 (The Message Version):
The Crucifixion
21 There was a man walking by, coming from work, Simon from Cyrene, the father of Alexander and Rufus. They made him carry Jesus’ cross.
22-24 The soldiers brought Jesus to Golgotha, meaning “Skull Hill.” They offered him a mild painkiller (wine mixed with myrrh), but he wouldn’t take it. And they nailed him to the cross. They divided up his clothes and threw dice to see who would get them.
25-30 They nailed him up at nine o’clock in the morning. The charge against him—the king of the jews—was scrawled across a sign. Along with him, they crucified two criminals, one to his right, the other to his left. People passing along the road jeered, shaking their heads in mock lament: “You bragged that you could tear down the Temple and then rebuild it in three days—so show us your stuff! Save yourself! If you’re really God’s Son, come down from that cross!”
31-32 The high priests, along with the religion scholars, were right there mixing it up with the rest of them, having a great time poking fun at him: “He saved others—but he can’t save himself! Messiah, is he? King of Israel? Then let him climb down from that cross. We’ll all become believers then!” Even the men crucified alongside him joined in the mockery.
33-34 At noon the sky became extremely dark. The darkness lasted three hours. At three o’clock, Jesus groaned out of the depths, crying loudly, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”
35-36 Some of the bystanders who heard him said, “Listen, he’s calling for Elijah.” Someone ran off, soaked a sponge in sour wine, put it on a stick, and gave it to him to drink, saying, “Let’s see if Elijah comes to take him down.”
37-39 But Jesus, with a loud cry, gave his last breath. At that moment the Temple curtain ripped right down the middle. When the Roman captain standing guard in front of him saw that he had quit breathing, he said, “This has to be the Son of God!”
I think that is enough to digest for now. Until next time why don’t you all say a little prayer:
“Father God, reading this sounds a little too familiar. Please open my eyes to see clearly and open my ears to hear you better. Father make me aware of shame that needs to be dealt with in my life. Lead and guide me through this journey. Help me to lay at your feet and become completely vulnerable. Help me to not care what other’s think about my journey. Amen.”
Take a listen to the song Known, by Tauren Wells.
If you are interested in joining Kingdom Therapy (the program that I mentioned) please reach out to the owner on Instagram @tashateachestruth. If you do not have Instagram please email me at the alexandra@unashamednetwork.com
Love Always,
Alexandra