Dealing with My Own Shame.
3.11.21
Journal Entry #7
Pride uses whatever it can to hide our shame instead of dealing with it. In the last journal entry, I talked about the importance of humbling yourself when it comes to shame. Humility in the sense of thinking of how our story can help others rather than thinking about what other people think of us, but we need to address pride. Pride can stop you from being humble and surrendering to God’s will of letting go of the shame.
Let’s define pride. Pride is a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired. Pride thinks too highly of one’s self over others. Pride wants others to look at you highly and with great admiration. When it comes to shame, pride says I must hide what I feel ashamed of because others will look at me with dissatisfaction. Pride tries to hide your shame because instead of looking at your achievements you think others will look at what you are ashamed of. That’s maybe why you try to overachieve – to hide behind what you are ashamed of. Your pride tells you that no one can know what you are ashamed of.
Let’s see what the Bible says about pride:
James 4: 6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Proverbs 8: 13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.
Provers 11:12 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
Proverbs 16:5 The LORD detests all the proud of heart. Be sure of this: They will not go unpunished.
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
There are plenty more, but I think you get the point. God hates pride. Pride goes before destruction. If you think pride will hide your shame, then it’s the exact opposite. The pride will eventually lead to disgrace (Proverbs 11:12).
So, what is it that you are hiding behind of? For me, it was work and accomplishments. I would get pride out of how much work I could get done in a day. That’s what I wanted people to see! If people saw how hardworking I was then they couldn’t see what I was ashamed of right? First of all, that’s not true. I have had friends tell me they could see right through that, in a loving way of course. But they wanted me to know I didn’t have to hide behind anything for them. That’s beside the point though. There are tons of things we could use to hide behind of. Maybe it’s your looks for you. Maybe you work so hard in the gym so when people see you, they see how good you look and not what you feel ashamed of. It could be a bad attitude. Maybe you purposefully put on a bad attitude, so people don’t see what you are hiding. Maybe it’s being shy. You are content with being shy because then you won’t expose yourself, right? What about how good you play at sports? If they can just fuel your head with how good you are then you won’t feel ashamed anymore right? That’s a big NO! Take it from someone who knows, that feeling of shame will just keep creeping back up. You have to deal with shame, not hide from it!
The answer to pride is humility. The answer to pride-fueled shame is humility fueled faith. Take some time to study and mediate the scriptures I gave you on humility in journal entry #6. Humbling yourself is surrendering to who God says you are. You are not what you feel ashamed of! Have faith in who God says you are, and shame can’t win.
Love Always,
Alexandra