Dealing with My Own Shame.
3.15.21
Journal Entry #8
It’s time to talk acceptance. Have you accepted your now? Have you accepted that it is finally time to let go of what you feel ashamed of? Have you submitted to this season? Are you fighting God in this season? Have you decided to just ignore God or are you all in? If you are all in, I want you to take note of your attitude. What is your response to this season? Are you complaining through-out this entire journey? I will be honest I was not too happy to be going through this season. I was saying I was all-in for God to deliver me from this shame, but my attitude said otherwise. But then I read John 15!
John 15 is one of my all-time favorite passages from the Bible! I mentioned that in one of my past journal entries, but I saw it so different this time. I was using a guided meditation on John15:1-8:
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
The guided meditation brought to my attention of how I am in a pruning season! The process of pruning targets the removal of defective, dead, rotten, flimsy and non-productive tissue from the plants. To me, that is exactly what it feels like dealing with this shame. If you are like me, this is our pruning season. This is not our season to bear fruit, but instead it’s our season for God to dig deep down inside. God is pulling out that shame! Even better, He’s pulling out the shame and what came along with the shame. He’s not just delivering me but He’s showing me that pride came along with the shame, and that people pleasing came along with this shame. God is targeting certain areas of our lives and pulling them out from the root! He does not want to leave anything behind so we cannot try and rush through this. We have to accept where we are now. After pruning season comes bearing the fruit, but if we don’t allow God to fully strip us of what He needs to strip us from then we might taint our fruit. When fruit bearing season comes along you want to be able to fully enjoy it.
So, after doing that guided mediation, I realized I need to accept and have joy in my pruning season. I also need to take my time and allow God to work on me.
Have you accepted, with gladness, your pruning season? If you refer back to the scripture you see that for your pruning season to be successful you have to remain in God. Be constantly communicating with Him. Be in His Word daily. This scripture says that when you are not in Him, you are like a branch that is withering and thrown away into the fire. I am all for counseling and self-care to help get through this season but if you try to take God out of the equation then like that branch, you won’t bear any fruit.
This pruning season can be a happy one. Once you accept it and become grateful that God loves you so much to work on you, it’ll be a joyous journey. Since God is pruning us, we know for sure it’s time for our shame to leave for good! So, from this point forward I want you to no longer accept that shame. We will no longer refer to it as “our shame” or “my shame.” That shame no longer belongs to me! What you once felt ashamed of no longer belongs to you! God is pulling that shame out from the root and throwing it into the fire. The shame no longer belongs to you. No longer accept the shame. Accept your pruning season, but don’t accept the shame.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Love Always,
Alexandra